


Zoltar's A Bitch

by brokenstereotype



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Happy Ending...Sort Of, M/M, Mentions of Death, Misfits AU, Zombie, ot5 feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-03-12 07:57:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3349559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenstereotype/pseuds/brokenstereotype
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn just wants Niall back. When he does, it's not entirely how Zayn had imagined it.</p><p>Or, a Misfits AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Zoltar's A Bitch

 

 

 

 

 

 

> _"Tonight your memory burns like a fire, with every one it grows higher and higher, and I can't get over it, I just can't put out this love. I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back. Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that I'm dreaming, come wake me up.."_

 

"Hey." It's the first word spoken in the twenty minutes he's been there, staring down at the marble head stone with empty eyes.

Eleven months, and he still doesn't know what to say.

There's a fresh bunch of lilies arranged in the metal vase attached to the head stone, the white ones with red splattered in the middle that were Niall's favorite. There's a new picture added to the vase, standing taller than the flowers, held up by a plastic holder.

Zayn has the same picture somewhere back at the flat, though this one is filtered in black and white, while he has the original colored photo.

"Guess Louis stopped by," He notes, since Louis is the one who always makes sure the area is tidied up and up to date. Zayn looks around the large field, feeling tears starting to build up in his eyes. Louis makes sure to change the picture every week, the same pictures Zayn has seen thousands of times, has taken over half of them, but every time he catches sight of one, it's like a stab to a never healing wound.

With a defeated huff of breath, Zayn sits cross legged on the ground, running the tips of his fingers along the smooth petals of the beautiful flowers. His finger ghosts over the picture, over the wide smile and bright eyes that he aches for, the  _Lakers_ snapback and sleeveless shirt, the memory of a memory.

"I was going to propose to you," Zayn confesses after a few minutes. There's a large Cherry Blossom tree that hangs over the grave, pastel pink and lilac petals cascading around as the wind blows. Niall always said that he loved the idea of being buried under one of them, so that if anybody came to visit him, they would at least have something pretty to look at.

Zayn thinks they're breath taking, they remind him of Niall.

"Bought a ring and everything," He says, staring at the scripted words across marble, though the picture in the vase next to him screams out for his attention. He runs his fingertips along the words; ' _Beloved Son, Brother & Friend...' _thumb catching onto the engraved shamrock at the corner. Zayn had drawn the design for it, when Niall admitted that he was looking at tattoo ideas, pictures on tumblr and google, and simply asked Zayn to draw it for him. 

"I even wrote this speech that i was going to say," Zayn mumbles, shaking his head in disbelief.

Eleven months and he still can't let go.

"Had all this bullshit about _a love that never dies_ and growing old together," He says bitterly, tracing his fingers over the block incriptied letters, a name left for a mere memory. _Niall James Horan_.

Zayn sighs, dropping his hand to his lap. "I miss you, so fucking much." The wind blows again, pretty pink petals swirling around and Zayn feels the dampness on his cheeks, doesn't bother to wipe the tears away when he knows they won't stop for awhile.

Eleven months, and he still can't visit his grave without crying.

"Don't really see the point in a life without you in it," Zayn says through the thickness in his voice. He doesn't even know why he continues to talk to a silent grave; Niall can't even hear him, and it never makes him feel any better. If anything, it makes him feel worse. 

Pushing himself up from the ground, bottom lip trembling, Zayn brushes the dirt off from his jeans hastily, heart pounding. 

"It's not fair," He says. A crow caws in the distance and Zayn says, louder, _"Why did it have to be you?"_

He looks up at the head stone, at the name he can't even bring himself to _say out loud._ The wind picks up, an overcasting grey beginning to form across the field, a cold shift in the temperature. 

Zayn's body seems to deflate after a few silent moments, the large Willow Tree at the center of the cemetery sways in the wind, an elder woman holds tightly to her umbrella as she walks away from a plot briskly, trying to escape the windchill. Zayn runs his hand gently along the top of the marble, looking down at the picture standing out from the vase.

"I'm sorry." Eleven months, and he still can't leave without saying that. 

\--

There's this underground coffee shop just a few blocks from the cemetery that Zayn spends about as much time there as he does at the cemetery. The entrance is hidden in a damp alleyway, a neon _Open_ sign hangs just to the right of the door, otherwise there is no other proof that a business is being run inside. 

Zayn had stumbled upon it one afternoon when he was walking home, a young man had shuffled out the door for a smoke, the intoxicating aroma of coffee and pastries ignited a warmth inside of him, one that he didn't think could be found again. The place had dim lighting, peaceful acoustic music and a relaxed atmosphere, perfect for Zayn. He would find a seat in the corner, order a cup of tea, and just sit. The coffee shop had this calming buzz as soon as you stepped through the door, but it didn't exactly calm Zayn, didn't automatically clear all of the cluttered thoughts running rapid through his mind.

It was a place where Zayn could just _be_.

There was nobody around who even paid him a second glance, nobody who tried to get him to express what he was feeling, nobody to remind him of what he once had.

The sign outside of the door is turned off, and when Zayn tries the handle, it doesn't budge. There's a small piece of paper taped to the door, _Better Days To Come..,_ written in sharpie with a poorly drawn cup of coffee at the bottom left corner. Zayn stares at the paper with a frown, thinks about ripping it to shreds, but decides that going home and crawling under warm covers sounds like an even better plan.

Zayn shakes his head as he turns to make his way back to the cemetery, stopping short when he notices something at the end of the alleyway, where the dumpsters and trash cans are kept. Zayn backtracks a few steps, until he has a clear view of the sidewalk, void of any pedestrians. He could have sworn that hunk of metal wasn't there before. 

With narrowed eyes, Zayn walks towards the object, and when he gets close enough to see what it is, he lets out a sigh of relief. He's never seen one in person, but Zayn's seen enough movies to know what it is. Psychics have never been Zayn's thing, would rather just live out his life than hear some rubbish a random stranger tells him is going to happen.

But, Zayn has always been intrigued by the mechanical psychic locked in the box, _Zoltar._

The machine doesn't seem to be on, the otherwise red beaming eyes of the fortune teller are dull and the lights lining the glass remain unblinking. The whole thing is covered in dust, and if Zayn hadn't been down this alley every day for the past eleven months or so, he would have guessed that it had been there for years.

"Psychics," Zayn scoffs, dragging a finger through the layers of dirt on the glass. He wipes the dirt off on his jeans, grimacing at the streak it leaves against the black material.

Grumbling to himself, Zayn picks his head back up, only to be met with piercing red eyes, visible through the line of glass Zayn had wiped off. He chokes back on a gasp, watching as the whole machine whirs to life, _clanks_ and _clonks_ coming from the fortune teller as it sits into its upright position. 

Zayn opens his mouth, and closes it, unsure of what he is supposed to do. A buzzing sound comes from the machine, and then a small slip of paper is being dispensed near where his thigh is. With a fleeting look to the man in the box, Zayn reaches down and takes the slip of paper between two fingers.

_Hello, Zayn._

_-Zoltar_

Zayn runs his eyes over those two words, over and over, heart beginning to speed up pace.

"How do you know my name?" He asks, looking between Zoltar and the slip of paper in his hand. The machine doesn't respond, until another buzzing sound comes, and an identical piece of paper is being dispensed. Zayn eyes the slip, looking back to the previous one in his hand.

_1 Wish._

_-Zoltar_

Zayn frowns at the short sentence, flipping it over for more of an explanation.

"I don't understand," He says, looking up at Zoltar with confusion on his face. It's hard to make out any part of the fortune teller, due to the dust, but those laser red eyes seem to burn into Zayn with this power that kind of intimidates him.

It takes a minute for another response to come, and when Zayn plucks it from the machine, it says the same thing as the one before.

 _One wish_ , Zayn thinks, looking down at the three slips of paper in his hand.

If Zayn was smart, he would walk away. He would just throw the papers away and go back to his flat, where he can be alone and not be mocked by a machine.

If Zayn was smart, he would keep his mouth shut.

One wish.

"I just want him back," He says, voice barely louder than the wind whistling around him. Another slip of paper comes from the machine, and Zayn almost doesn't take it, doesn't want to see the rejection written on paper, from a fraud nonetheless.

He takes the paper with hesitance, keeping the words covered until he can encourage himself to actually read them.

_Temporarily Out Of Order._

_-Zoltar_

Zayn looks up with a sort of put off expression, to be met with dull eyes and empty lights. Zayn shakes his head, "Piece of trash," He mutters, crumbling the papers in his fist and sending a weak kick to the bottom of the box.

A large drop of something cold plucks Zayn on the nose, and when he looks up, the sky has turned a dark grey, angry clouds swirling the sky. Cursing to himself, Zayn stuffs the paper ball in his pocket and begins to jog back towards the cemetery, where he left his car. 

\--

Thankfully, he manages to make it home and inside before the rain really started. After changing into a worn t-shirt and pajama bottoms, Zayn had taken a cup of tea to his bedroom, making sure that Reggie, his iguana, had penty of food and water.

Slipping under the warm blankets, he pulls out one of his favorite books from the pile on his night stand, flipping to a random page and letting the sounds of the storm be his company for the night.

He falls asleep near midnight, when his eyes get too heavy to read another ink printed word. He dreams of nothing in particular, never ending darkness. There's a pounding in the distance, but he doesn't know where it's coming from, until it starts to get louder and more persistent, _urgent_.

The _bang, bang, bang_ gets louder and closer, closing in on him in pitch blackness. Zayn clenches his fists in the bedsheets on either side of him, squeezing his eyes shut tight to try and rid of the loud bangs.

His eyes snap open, breaths coming out like pants and there's a strip of sweat forming along his hairline. The banging starts again, and Zayn clutches a hand to his pounding chest. He sits up in bed, dropping his head in his hands and tries to calm himself down.

The time on his phone reads that it's just after two in the morning, an ungodly hour for someone to be knocking on his door.

Bright flashes of lightning flicker throughout the unlit flat as he navigates himself to the door, with a hand running along the wall. Whoever is at the door doesn't stop their relentless pounding, if anything, they get more and more urgent the longer Zayn takes to make it to the door. He flicks on the table lamp next to the couch, feeling his patience wear thin.

"Do you know what time-" Zayn starts to complain, swinging the door open with more force than he usually uses, but his body seems to lock up once he meets the sleep intruders eyes. Zayn tries to blink his eyes, tries to wake himself up fully, sure that his mind is playing jokes on him. His eyes won't close though, practically bulging out of their sockets.

"Care t' tell me what the _fuck_ is goin' on?"

It's absolutely down pouring outside, can't even see two feet in front of you and having to raise your voice to be heard.

Zayn slams the door shut, locking the dead bolt, and brings his hands up to his mouth.

This is not happening.

"Zayn." 

This is not happening. "No," He says, voice laced with terror.

He brings a hand out, hovering just a few inches from the door. There's no way that this is happening. He unlocks the dead bolt slowly, wincing at the sharp _click_ , and once he takes a few dozen deep breaths, he opens the door.

Niall is standing there, hair matted to his forehead, drenched from the rain, hands tucked under his armpits as he shivers sporadically. Niall is standing at Zayn's front door, in the middle of a storm, and Zayn doesn't know what to do.

"You gonna let me in?" Niall asks through his tremors, looking up at Zayn through one of his eyes, the other clenched tight against the water dripping from his hair. Zayn blinks, moves out of the way so Niall can step past him, shuts the door and practices some of those breathing exercises Niall had learned for whenever he had a panic attack. He squeezes his eyes shut tight, until he sees colorful dots in his vision and bites at his bottom lip, hard.

Taking a deep breath, Zayn slowly turns around and peeks one eye open, then the other when he sees that this is _definitely_ not a dream. Niall is standing in the middle of the rug, sopping wet with a blue dress shirt clinging to his trembling body, black dress pants that hang loose on his thin frame, feet bare of any socks or shoes. His lips look a little blue, and he looks a few shades more pale, though he did just come alive from the dead.

"How is this happening?" Zayn asks, voice rising an octave in his momentary panic. Niall, despite shaking like a sick dog and looking about five minutes from passing out, rolls his eyes.

"How should i know?" Niall says, pulling the fabric of his shirt away from his body with a grimace. He slowly and shakily starts undoing the buttons on the shirt, and Zayn avoids is eyes, somehow feels like he's intruding.

"One minute, i'm peacefully at rest," He says, doing a full body shiver once he manages to free his arms from the soaked shirt.

"And then, out of nowhere, this wicked storm comes around," Niall throws his hand out in the direction of the door, the one with the shirt clutched tightly in, water steadily dripping on the carpet.

"That storm is brutal, mate." Niall says. "Like, it woke me up. I literally woke up from death, that's how brutal it is." He says seriously, looking kind of impressed. 

Zayn pinches the bridge of his nose, "You think a _storm_ ;some wind and rain, woke you up from the dead." He deadpans.

Niall shrugs his shoulders, droplets of water glistening against pale skin.

"Scared t' shit out of me, it was like an electric shock." Niall says, and then, offended, "Why don't _you_ try explaining this then?" He has his hands posed on his hips, and Zayn's suddenly hit by how familiar it is.

Zayn blinks, tries to wrap his head around the situation. "This is mental," He says. "It's not possible, _how_ is this possible?"

He's not even really looking at anything, staring at a mindless spot on the floor while his mind tries to figure out what is going on. Zayn's eyes widen, drop in his stomach like it just bottomed out.

"Zoltar," He breathes out, looking up at Niall with wide eyes. Niall fixes him with a look, half amused and half intrigued.

"What are ya on about?" He asks, taking a cautious step towards Zayn. Zayn shakes his head, putting a hand out to distance himself. He kind of feels like throwing up.

"I-i found this fortune teller machine and it, it knew my _name_ and it just kept saying _one wish_ -"

"For fuck's sake, _Zayn_. You wished on Zoltar?" Niall cuts in, shaking his head in exasperation. "Bunch of shady cunts, they are."

Zayn throws his hands out on either side of him in defense, "What was I _supposed_ to do?!" His voice cracks on the higher octave, turning hysterical-

"You weren't _there_ to tell me what to do!"

It's a tense, loaded silence after that, both of them just staring at each other. The droplets of water hitting the carpet sound like a ticking time bomb in Zayn's mind.

Niall clears his throat, "D'you mind if I borrow some clothes?" It's quiet and unsure, so unlike Niall, all Zayn can do is nod.

He doesn't so much as blink while Niall is in the bedroom, coming back to the living room in an old ratty band shirt and basketball shorts, hair toweled dried and blue fuzzy socks on his feet. Zayn could never bring himself to throw out any of Niall's clothes, or remove them from their shared closet.

Niall moves cautiously, sitting down on the couch and patting the space next to him in invitation. Zayn's feet move before his mind can catch up, sitting at the opposite side of the couch.

Zayn stares down at his twined hands, too many thoughts vying for his attention, he's not even sure he can really _feel_ anything.

Niall's intake of breath is audible, and Zayn closes his eyes. "So, what's new?" He asks casually, and Zayn gives him his best _are you fucking serious_ look.

Niall rolls his eyes, "I'm serious, what have you been doing for the past year?" He says. The shirt is at least two sizes too big on him, slipping past his collarbone and hanging off of one shoulder.

Zayn swallows, throat incredibly thick. He keeps his head down as he says, "Tried to let you go." He breathes out a laugh, "Look how that turned out."

Neither of them say anything for a few heavy minutes, but then Niall coughs, says in a voice that's too close to hurt, "Will you please look at me?"

Zayn nods his head, but doesn't look up for a handful of moments. When he does meet Niall's eyes, tears are blurring his vision and he tucks his hands between his legs to keep them from shaking.

Zayn inhales a shaky breath, "I thought-, I was so scared that I was never going to be able to accept the fact that you were g-gone." His voice wobbles with emotion-

"I stood there, every day, talking at a grave, just _praying_ that you would give me a sign that it was going to be okay."

"I heard you," Niall says, quiet, pained.

Zayn chokes back against a sob, wiping the back of his hand across his wet eyes. "What?" He asks. Niall looks down, twiddling his fingers together.

His hands even look more pale than usual, bright contrast to the black shirt hanging from his thin limbs.

"I heard you, Z." Niall repeats. "Everything you said, everything you yelled, cried, cursed-, " He looks up and meets Zayn's eyes. "I heard everything."

Fresh tears fall from Zayn's eyes, though he doesn't bother wiping them away. He let's out little hiccup sobs, matching Niall's broken expression.

Niall sniffles back his tears, "I would love to hear that speech, though." He smiles to himself, ducking his head and resting his cheek against his bent knee.

Zayn smiles, though it holds the pain and loss he's felt for the past year, memories of sleepless nights and bitten off curses.

"Maybe later, yea?" He asks and Niall nods with an affirmative nod. "Are you hungry, I can make food." Zayn says, because if there is one way to lighten the mood around Niall, it's with food.

Niall's expression softens into something odd, like he's deep in thought, before he is flicking his eyes over the couch, where the bedroom is.

"Actually, I'm pretty knackered, what with the whole _waking from the dead_ thing." Niall says. "We can talk in the morning though, yea?" He asks, voice turning up at the end with hope. Zayn nods with a weak smile, watching as Niall gets up from the couch and shuffles out of the room awkwardly.

"Night, Z." Niall says quietly. Zayn hums in response, flopping down on the couch face first and groaning into the cushion once he hears the _click_ from the bedroom door.

\--

It's easy to say that Zayn didn't sleep at all that night, between having a mental freak out on the couch, drinking his body weight in tea, picking up the stray articles of clothing around the flat, and peeking in the bedroom every handful of minutes, to see Niall laying just as peaceful in the bed as the day they buried him six feet under the ground.

It's with exhausted eyes and a morning gruff voice, leaning heavily against the kitchen counter, that Zayn answers his buzzing phone at half past nine.

"'Lo'?" He mumbles, looking forlornly at the abandoned cup of tea he made hours ago that is now probably cold.

"Hey mate," Louis says. "Where were you last night? Tried to ring you."

Zayn let's out a sigh, eyes catching the _dinner w/ lou @7,_ scribbled on the calendar in sharpie.

"Shit, sorry mate." Zayn rushes to say, rubbing a hand down his face. "Something uh-, something came up." He says. There's really no easy way to explain over the phone, but Zayn knows he has to tell Louis.

"Oh, yeah that's alright-," Louis says in understanding, but then he cuts himself off and the next thing he says is, " _Ohhhhh_ ," in a tone that is bordering on suggestive.

"Louis-," Zayn warns.

"Must have been a good night, since you sound like you haven't gotten any sleep." Louis notes, but there's a hint of understanding, a relief.

Louis has been Zayn's rock ever since the accident, calling him twice a day, making sure the flat is fully stocked with food, getting him out of bed on those days where he feels like just giving up. Louis' been worried about him, Zayn knows this, can see it in the way he tries to get him to do anything other than being holed up in the coffee shop, or staring mindlessly at the wall.

Louis set an account up for Zayn on _Tinder_ two months ago, didn't tell him prior, just shoved the dating app in his face, and Zayn was caught off guard by how many people actually responded to his profile.

Zayn had went on a few of the dates, after Louis had showed him yet _another_ profile of some painfully boring hipster bloke that just happened to like all of the things Zayn does. None of them got a second date with him.

None of them had the right shade of blond hair, their laughs were all wrong, eyes too dull and smiles too crooked. They either talked way too much, or none at all. None of them were worth his time.

None of them were Niall.

"Is he there now?" Louis asks, voice raised like he's repeating himself. He probably is, Zayn can't seem to keep his eyes focused. Zayn can see the bedroom door from where he's standing in the kitchen, open just enough that Zayn can see Niall's foot peeking out from under the covers.

"Yeah," Zayn says. "Yeah, he's still here." And it feels like a relief, knowing that he wasn't just imagining things. Niall's still here.

Louis hums, "Alright then, me and Haz are gonna stop by in a little while, yeah?" Louis says, slowly, like he doesn't know if he's allowed, if he's needed anymore.

"Yeah, mate. See ya in a little." Zayn says, keeping the phone pressed to his ear, even after Louis has ended the call. With a deep, encouraging breath, he leaves his phone on the counter, checking on Niall to see that he's still asleep, and decides that a shower is in his best interest.

He spends a little more time in the shower than usual, the hot water loosening his tense muscles, and he uses the stress relief body wash Harry had gotten him, inhaling the aroma and slumping against the shower wall. The water runs lukewarm after half an hour, so he shuts the shower off and wraps a towel around his waist, hand hovering on the door handle.

He forgot clothes and Niall is in the room.

Which is crazy to think, Niall has seen him in all his glory countless times, but things are already a little weird, he doesn't want to add to it.

Thankfully, Niall is out of the room when Zayn walks in. He has a fleeting thought of _Niall's gone_ , but then he hears the kettle whistling and an Irish _shittt_ from the kitchen. Zayn smiles to himself, Niall never could handle himself around boiling water.

He changes into a pair of worn out jeans and a white t shirt, spraying a little bit of the cologne Niall loves on himself. It's when he's towel drying his hair, that he notices something wrong.

He walks over to the large terrarium on the wall by the window, craning his neck around to look under the rocks and branches strew about.

Frowning, Zayn walks out of the bedroom, running the towel through his hair. 

"Have you seen Reggie?" Zayn calls out, checking under the couch. "Think he got out." 

Niall doesn't respond, and when Zayn looks over at him, he's sipping out of a steaming cup of tea, face flushed red and adverts his eyes away from Zayn. 

Zayn studies him for a minute, but Niall rushes to finish his tea, placing the mug in the sink and doesn't look at Zayn once.

"Mind if i go for a shower?" He asks. Zayn nods, and when Niall passes him on the way to the bathroom, he hands Zayn a cup of tea, head ducked and a skittish expression on his face.

Zayn waits until Niall closes the bathroom door, he slumps in one of the stools at the counter, dropping his head in his hands. When Zayn takes a sip of the tea, he closes his eyes and wills the lump in his throat to go away.

Because, Niall knows Zayn.

Niall knows that Zayn hates waking up before noon, and he knows that Zayn is absolutely terrified of birds. But, Louis knows those things as well. Niall knows that Zayn says he only like one sugar in his tea, but really he likes two. Louis doesn't know that.

Zayn doesn't even have time to react before the front door is being unlocked, Louis walking in with bags of groceries, Harry following behind at more leisure pace, making sure the door is locked behind him.

"Must've been our lucky day, hit all the green lights on the way over." Louis announces as he strolls into the kitchen. His face falls a bit when he sees Zayn slumped against the counter, swirling the spoon abesntly around the mug.

Harry walks straight to the kettle, muttering about _terrible drivers, almost died._

Louis places the bags on the counter, trying to be nonchalant about the fact that he's scoping the flat out. Zayn just feels too exhausted, mentally and physically, to scold Louis.

A mumbled voice comes from the bathroom, hard to hear over the running water, but Zayn knows that Niall is humming to some song he's gotten stuck in his head. Louis' ears perk up and he glances towards the shower, then to Zayn.

"Louis, if you go in there, so _help_ me, i will cut holes in all of your trousers." Zayn bites out, nearly stumbling off of the stool when Louis makes a move down the hallway. Louis stops, putting his hands up defensively with a smile and traces back to the kitchen, pulling out the contents in the plastic bags.

He places the eggs, bacon, bagels and fresh fruit on the counter, slapping Harry's hand away when he tries to steal a strawberry. Louis hands items to Harry to put away, taking the rest to the refrigerator. 

"When's the last time you ate?" Louis asks, giving Zayn a thorough once over. "I hope i have enough for your guest, i brought extra."

Zayn feels his body deflate. Louis is honestly the greatest person to Zayn, making sure that he's okay and _living_ , and Zayn doesn't really know how Louis is going to handle the surprise of Zayn's _guest_.

"Thanks, Lou." Zayn says, quietly. Louis smiles, a simple one that screams, _you're alright, we're alright_. 

Louis sets about to fry the bacon, giving Harry the job of chopping the fruit, and everytime Zayn catches Harry popping a piece of fruit in his mouth, Harry just winks and shakes his arse. 

Zayn's task usually, is to stay away from the hot surfaces and wait until Louis hands him a stack of plates and silverware, directing him to set the table.

Louis comes over while Zayn is setting the last fork down, placing a glass bowl filled with assorted fruits at the center of the table, placing a gentle hand on Zayn's forearm.

"I-uhm, i found a picture that i wanted to put on the grave," Louis says, reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a photograph. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay with it first."

Zayn looks down at the picture resting in Louis' hand, then back up to Louis with wide eyes. He takes the picture carefully as though it will disintegrate in his palm, and his breath catches in the back of his throat when he looks at it.

It's a picture from their first date, the only picture at that.

Niall had taken him to some Thai restaurant for dinner, practically buzzing out of his seat while he glanced up at Zayn every few seconds with a blush to his cheeks and crystal blue eyes that could probably cut diamonds.

Zayn runs his fingers over the copy of eighteen year old Niall, mouth full of metal, scarf pulled loosely but snug around his neck, snuggling under Zayn's arm because Niall had tugged Zayn down on a freezing cold bench in the middle of December, cuddling Zayn as he smoked a cigarette.

Zayn feels the knot forming in his throat, tears starting behind his eyes. 

Zayn misses this Niall, this _young_ and _free_ Niall. 

The Niall he knows how to act around and not skip past each other like they don't even know what to _do_.

"I-uh," A voice, soft and timid comes from the hallway. Zayn snaps his head up, can't even tear his eyes away when Harry and Louis both turn at the sound. "None of the clothes really fit me, so I kind of raided your closet."

Louis chokes on a truly painful sound, spinning around so fast, he nearly loses his balance, and closes his hands over his ears, clenching his eyes shut tight.

Harry drops the butter knife he was holding, scanning every inch of Niall's frame. His mouth is hanging open, hands gripping either side of the counter behind him. He very much looks like he's seen a ghost.

"Is this some sick _joke_?!" Louis yells, frustration and _hurt_ coming out full force. He opens his eyes, but keeps his hands pressed to his ears, like he knows he's about to hear something he won't like.

"It's not fucking funny, _Zayn_." Louis says. His voice is more emotional, rising in pitch so that he nearly squeaks out Zayn's name. He looks ready to cry, so Zayn slowly pulls Louis' hands away from his face and holds them in his own. Louis looks petrified, and Zayn probably should have given them a heads up instead of just dumping this on them.

"Lou," He says, leveling Louis with a serious look. Louis doesn't even blink. "It's him."

Louis swallows, eyes roaming over every part of Zayn's face. He's shaking, Zayn can feel it through his hands, and Harry just keeps staring at Niall, knuckles turning white from how hard he's gripping the counter, as if he's refraining from just taking those three steps and seeing if this is real or not.

"Louis," Niall says, eyes wide and pleading. He's wearing one of Zayn's shirts, possibly the smallest one he owns, and it still looks to be about two sizes too big on him.

Louis keeps his eyes locked with Zayn's as he inhales a shaky breath, taking a step away from Zayn and turning slowly with clenched fists tucked firmly against his sides. Niall, for his part, looks like a scared puppy, holding in a tight breath when Louis takes a step closer to him.

When Louis is standing a few steps in front of Niall, he slowly, hand trembling, run the tips of his fingers over the flushed skin on Niall's cheeks, trailing over his nose, the underside of his jaw, and Niall nuzzles into his hand out of instinct. Louis drops his hand like he's been shocked, blinking his eyes rapidly, though there's no stopping the flow of tears.

"Niall," Louis says brokenly, face scrunching up in an ugly crying face. Niall's lower lip juts out in a pout, never one to be able to watch Louis cry. They both seem to fall into each other, Niall wrapping Louis in his arms, while Louis hides his face in his hands and sobs loudly.

"I'm here, Lou." Niall says, whispering it in Louis' hair. "I'm here."

Zayn catches Niall's eye, and he sees the exhaustion behind his eyes, the pale ashen color to his skin, the prominent veins in his hands. Niall doesn't smile at him, just stares at Zayn with this heavy gaze, like he's burning Zayn into his memory.

Louis pulls away after a few minutes of sniffling back the remaining tears, letting out a watery laugh as he scrubs a palm at his red rimmed eyes.

"So, like." Louis says. "How the _fuck_ did this happen?" He glances between Niall and Zayn, and Zayn realizes that Louis, despite just having a proper cry, looks a lot better than he has these past eleven months.

Zayn feels his chest tighten when he thinks about how he wasn't the only one affected when Niall had passed, but Zayn was too busy trying to clear out his own head, not even thinking twice about how Louis was dealing.

"Long story," Zayn says, which is a lie, but he kind of just wants to _not_ talk. "Tell you all about after breakfast." He says, raising his eyebrows at Niall, who just blinks and bites at his bottom lip. Louis' body jolts at the mention of their forgotten food, rushing to the stove to finish up.

"Haz," Niall says, almost like a question. Zayn looks over to see Harry standing in the same spot he was when Niall had come into the room, though his head is hung, hands pressed over his eyes.

Niall takes a step into the kitchen, "Harry-," He says on a dry sob. Harry picks his head up, eyes rubbed red, and he looks as if he's been crying this entire time. Niall brings a hand up, but it ends up just hoovering in the space between them. Harry runs a hand over his nose, bottom lip trembling.

"I'm sorry," He says, and Niall opens his mouth to say something, but Harry continues on. "I never got a chance to say that, but Niall-," Harry sniffles back a gross sob, taking Niall's hands into his own. "I am so sorry."

"What are ya on about, H?" Niall asks, looking a tab bit terrified. Harry shakes his head, voice coming out nasaly and raw.

"I never should have said all those things to you, i didn't mean any of them." He squeezes Niall's hands, eyes vulnerable and honest.

Niall's face screws up in confusion, and then, like a light has been switched, his face falls, a small _ohhhh, Haz_ falling out in a whisper.

Zayn remembers it, a few days before the accident, when Harry was working two jobs, only getting at the most four hours of sleep a night. Niall had mentioned something about Harry needing to relax, take it easy, and Harry, stressed out of his wild head, had snapped.

For months, Harry had drowned himself in guilt, not even sparing himself a decent night's sleep, to the point where Louis had slipped a Benadryl in his tea, Harry's worn out body slumping on the couch and he slept for nearly twenty hours straight.

"I never got to say that i was sorry for being a proper twat," Harry says in this blubbery voice. "I never got the chance to tell you how much i love you and that you are the best person i've ever met."

Zayn watches from the sidelines, as Harry and Niall let out sobs between them, clutching each other's hands tightly. Louis moves around them, a determined look on his face, but Zayn can tell he's just trying to keep busy so his emotions stay in check.

While Niall and Harry reunite in a mess of tears and hugs, Zayn walks over to where Louis is flipping the sizzling bacon in the fry pan, eyebrows drawn together in a frown. Zayn reaches a hand out, slides his thumb over the black ink on Louis' forearm, _Far Away._

Louis sucks in his bottom lip, shutting off the stove, and pushes himself away from the counter with a loud exhale.

"Bit of a head rush, that was." Louis mumbles down at his shoes, though he peeks his eyes up at Zayn from under his eyelashes. Zayn squeezes his shoulder, ushering him to go pull the emotional messses away from each other and take a spot at the table, while Zayn puts ll of the food on plates.

At first, it's a tense silence, the scraping of forks and knives over plates making Zayn cringe. It isn't until Niall asks about how the footie season has been, that Louis immediately jumps into live conversation with Niall, while Zayn watches Niall with a soft smile, and Harry sits at th end of the table, looking content for the first time in eleven months.

After they have cleared away the dishes, Zayn putting aside a strip of bacon for Reggie, they all settle in the living room to watch all of the movies and television shows Niall has missed, and it's nice. It feels like old times, but then again it feels completely wrong. A lot has changed in eleven months, but one thing that hasn't is the love that Zayn feels for each of these boys.

When Harry and Louis leave just around evening, they both make sure to tell Niall they love him and how wonderful it is to have their sunshine back in their lives.

\--

"Bathroom's free, if you wanted to wash up." Zayn says, peeking his head through the doorway of the bedroom, where Niall is already under the pile of blankets, blinking up at Zayn with open eyes. Zayn smiles, for lack of anything else to do, and goes to leave the room, when Niall's speaks up.

"You can stay in here, if ya like." He says, looking unsure of himself. "With me." He adds, quietly. Zayn eyes the unoccupied spot next to Niall, and then he sees Niall's slightly panicked expressin an mentally slaps himself, because this is what he wanted, right?

Zayn switches the light off, moving to the window to open th curtains a bit so the moonlight filters across the room, and climbs under the covers, staring up at the ceiling, not feeling as tired all of a sudden. Niall's on his back as well, hands folded over his stomach, breathing heavy.

"I always knew," Niall starts, turning his head to look at Zayn. "Always knew when you came to visit me." 

Zayn lets his had fall to the side, eyebrows raised in interest. Niall reaches his hand out, taps at Zayn's wrist bone, eyes moving to follow the path his finger takes, ghosting over the sharp lines and dark ink of Zayn's tattoos.

"It was like, like this warm feeling-, a settled feeling. When you came and talked to me, just hearing your voice, knowing you were there, it was like nothing else mattered."

Zayn watches Niall's face, can feel his heart picking up speed. Niall trails his finger up Zayn's arm, goosebumps rising in it's wake. Niall dances his fingers across Zayn's skin, stopping once he gets to the sharp cut of his jaw, cupping a hand on the side of Zayn's face. Zayn leans into it, eyes darting down to Niall's lips. They appear more red, though it's probably from the paleness of his skin, and Zayn watches intently as Niall starts to talk, watching the words form on his lips.

"Kiss me," Niall breathes, and that's all Zayn needed to hear, that Niall wanted this as much as Zayn does. Zayn leans forward to connect their lips, both too caught up in the moment to take it slow. Zayn nearly moans once Niall opens up his mouth, the taste of what was once lost gets tangled somewhere in the back of Zayn's throat.

Niall holds Zayn's head close as he leads the kiss, a sudden rush of energy surging through their bodies. Niall starts moving, sitting up on his knees, keeping Zayn's lips firmly attatched to his. Zayn goes with it, settling back against the pillows and lets Niall dominate his mouth, a certain desperation seeming to bleed into the kiss, until Niall nearly has his whole tongue in Zayn's mouth, sounds like growling vibrating against their lips.

Niall bites at Zayn's lower lip, and when Zayn whines into his mouth, Niall pulls away as if something has burned him. Zayn follows Niall's body up, trying to chase his lips, but Niall keeps a firm hand placed to Zayn's chest, keeping him at a distance. Zayn licks his lips, wincing at the sharp sting when he runs over the cut, the taste of metallic on the tip of his tongue. Zayn looks back up at Niall, who's eyes are a dark shade of blue, but it's not the same as when he's worked up, no. This look is one that has a chill running through Zayn's arms.

 _Hunger_. 

Niall blinks his eyes, shaking his head to clear it, and swings his body off of Zayn's, climbing over the bed until he is situated at on the side, head ducked to the floor.

Zayn stares at the back of Niall's head, doesn't understand what exactly happened, but he thinks maybe things got a little heated too fast.

"I need to tell you something," Is what Niall says, voice hoarse and heavy. Zayn doesn't say anything, waits until Niall is ready. He situates himself so he can lean against the headboard, propping a pillow behind his head.

"Something has been happening to me ever since that night," Niall says. He takes a handful of deep breaths, fidgeting with his fingers. Zayn stares at the wall across from him, playing through Niall's words carefully.

"And i thought-, i thought i could control it-, i could at first, but it was just this uncomfortable ache in my bones." Niall says in one breath, and Zayn's trying to make sense of this, but nothing Niall is saying is _making_ sense. "But then it got harder to ignore, it's like this undeniable _thirst_ -, i can feel it in me teeth, in me bones."

Zayn's pretty sure his face looks equal parts freaked out and confused, mind running on overdive with each word Niall says. Niall lets out a shaky breath, peeking a look at Zayn over his shoulder.

"You haven't eaten since you've gotten here," Zayn says. He's not even really talking to anybody, just voicing his observations aloud. Niall chuckles, though it holds no humor.

"Food's not really what i'm hungry for," Niall says.

Zayn widens his eyes, "Reggie?" His voice comes out small, realization washing over him like a cold chill. Niall pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, ducking his head sheepishly.

"I didn't know what to do," Niall admits, sounding so guilty and small. Zayn brings his hands up to his face, counting backwards from ten, until his heart doesn't feel like it's going to strangle itself.

" _Fuck_ ," Zayn curses, letting out a sarcastic laugh. "Zoltar is a bitch."

Niall nods in agreement, still curled into himself at the edge of the bed. 

"Hey," Zayn says. Niall looks over at him, bottom lip stuck out in a pout. "Come 'ere." He opens his arms in invitation, and Niall lets a ghost of a smile break the dark features on his face, curling against Zayn's side and nuzzling against his chest.

Zayn runs his hand up and down Niall's back comfortingly, while Niall taps at his chest, breathing out _bumb, bumb, bu-bumb, bumb._ Zayn closes his eyes when he realizes what Niall is doing, trying to hold back the angry tears burning his eyes.

"Woah, Z." Niall says, and Zayn knows what's coming next, from the way Niall's humming has sped up. "Your heart is pounding." Zayn bites his tongue.

Niall spends the night counting Zayn's heart beats, _me favorite song,_ he had whispered in the silent night. 

Zayn spends the night thinking about how Niall doesn't _have_ a heart beat.

\--

By the time dawn breaks through the sky, Niall is fast asleep, curled into a ball on himself, and Zayn hasn't slept a wink.

He gets out of bed, rubbing tiredly at his face, and then spends the next few minutes just waatching Niall's sleeping form. He takes a long shower, scrubbing away most of his exhaustion, taking time to just breathe in the steam and the smell of his body wash.

Niall's on the couch when Zayn walks into the living room, tugging a comfy hoodie over his head, sweatpants hanging low on his hips. He slips into a pair of vans, trying to ignore the tense silence in the air.

"Where a'ya goin?" Niall asks, not mad, just curious. Zayn tugs a hand through his hair, catching the tips between his fingertips. "Just need to do a few things," He says, sending a reassuring smile to Niall. 

"Do you need anything while i'm out?" Zayn asks. He pats at his pockets, nodding his head to himself when he hears his keys jingle in his pocket. Niall chews at his fingernails, a habit he's apparently taken to the grave, and stares absently at the floor.

"Something to feed on?" Niall says, questions more like. Zayn pauses, "What do you want, like a gerbil?" He asks warily, wondering when his life became a page out of twilight.

"Dog would be better," Niall says honestly, not meeting Zayn's eyes. Zayn frowns, walking over to the couch and gently taking Niall's chin in his hand, guiding his head up so he'll look at him. His eyes are near all black, ring of cobalt on the edge, and Zayn sighs.

"I'll see what i can find," He says, placing a short kiss to Niall's forehead. "You gonna be alright by yourself?"

Niall nods his head, "I'll be okay for a few hours." He says, glancing towards the bedroom. Zayn makes the mistake of letting himself follow Niall's line of sight, thinking back to his confession the night before, and he just needs some _air_.

"Won't be long," He promises, pecking Niall's lips before walking out of the flat, inhaling a deep breath of fresh air.

\--

The coffee shop is buzzing when Zayn steps inside, eyes roaming the near full tables as he walks down the steps. He spots an open table in the back corner, hoping that nobody takes it before he can order a cup of tea. 

Thankfully, the table is still available by the time Zayn has a piping hot cup of tea in his hands, falling gracefully in one of the chairs, cupping his hands around the warm mug. It feels like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders, closing his eyes to the hum of chatter around him, the soft music playing from the speakers overhead.

"Excuse me," Zayn looks up at the sound of the voice, and a young lady is standing next to his table, holding a tall coffee cup.

"Do you mind if i sit here?" She asks, gesturing around at the lack of available seating. Zayn nods, leaning back in his chair, and the girl takes the seat across from him, placing her handbag on the chair next to her.

She doesn't seem like she's going to smother Zayn to death with talking, so that's wondeful. Her hair is a vibrant copper, twisted in some complicated braid. Her eyes are lined in black, making the green of her irises pop out. She has freckles lining her nose, and scattered around her face, tiredness to her eyes.

Zayn focuses on his tea, taking a sip in between morbid thoughts that make his stomach churn. The girl fiddles with the lid to her coffee cup, looking at Zayn curiously.

"Pretty shit day, huh?" She says, catching Zayn's eyes when he looks up at her. Zayn breathes out a laugh, "You have no idea." He says. The girl cocks an eyebrow at him, levels Zayn with this look, until Zayn feels his cheeks start to warm up.

"What?" He asks, rubbing at his face, just in case he has something on him.

The girl shakes her head, pulling a sip of coffee from the travel mug.

"How can _you_ have a bad day?" She says with a smile. "I mean, _look_ at you." She waves her hand in the general direction of Zayn's face, sipping her coffee with a laugh.

Zayn rolls his eyes, ignoring the comment. "Try me," He says. 

The girl looks at him over the top of the mug, nods her head and sits up straighter in her seat. Zayn has a fleeting thought of asking this stranger her name, but he kind of likes not knowing, makes it less personal.

"I caught my boyfriend of five years sleeping with another woman in our bed," She says. Zayn scrunches his face up, but the girl holds her finger up, "It was my sister." She says, and Zayn winces, letting out an " _Ouch_ ,". The girl nods, slumping back against her chair with a huff, taking a long gulp of the hot beverage.

Zayn doesn't realize he's staring down at his mug, until the girl speaks up again, "Your turn." She says. Zayn huffs out a laugh, shaking his head before pushing the cup of tea away from himself a bit, tapping his fingertips against the table.

"Alright," He says, rolling his shoulders back, posture straight. "I wished on one of those machine psychic things to bring back my dead boyfriend and now he's a zombie," Zayn deadpans. The girl stares at him with an unreadable expression on her face, like she wants to believe him, but just can't bring herself to do it.

"Asked me to get him a _puppy_ on the way home," Zayn says, shaking his head. "A _puppy_ to use for it's blood, just so he doesn't end up draining me like a juice box."

It feels good to talk about it, to this stranger who probably thinks Zayn is mental, but it also makes it that much more real. He drains the last of his tea, placing the mug on the table and slowly looks up to meet the girl's eyes.

She looks like she's considering her options, run or stick it out with this lunatic, and Zayn doesn't blame her.

"I'm gonna use the lady's room," She says, even though the bathroom is unisex, but he nods anyways, pointing to his empty cup. "Need more tea," He says, and waits for her to get up from the table, slinging the handbag over her shoulder.

She stops, cocking her head in thought. She turns to Zayn, holding her empty mug out to him.

"Mind getting me a refill as well?" She asks, and Zayn feels the pull of a smile at his lips, taking the cup out of her hands. 

He gets their drinks, placing the fresh travel mug across from him, and sips at his tea, observing the people around him as he waits.

Except, the longer he waits, the more he begins to think that he's been blown off. Which isn't really a problem, she seemed nice, yea. But, Zayn doesn't need to worry about any other people. He has enough problems as it is.

After fifteen minutes of no return, Zayn shakes his head with a frown, tossing the now cold coffee in the trash and placing his empty cup in the bin on top of the trash can. He decides to check out the bathroom before he leaves, maybe he'll spot a window that she could have crawled through, just to settle the buzz in his bones.

As soon as he pushes the door open, he sees Niall, casually washing his hands at the sink.

Zayn lets the door sut behind himself, watching Niall with skeptical eyes.

"What are you doing here?" He asks. Niall flinches, snapping his head over to Zayn.

" _Jesus_ , you scared me." Niall says, scrbbing at his hands under the mountain of suds in the sink.

Zayn takes a step forward, "Niall-," He warns.

"Christ, Zayn." Niall mutters. "You talk about this place like, all the time." Zayn unclenches his fists, remembering all the stories he shared when he thought nobody was listening.

"I needed to find you, but i guess you found me first."

"Why, what's wrong?" He asks, taking another step towards Niall. Niall shakes his head, but there's something about his appearence that doesn't sit right with Zayn.

Zayn steps behind Niall, meeting his eyes in the mirror.

Or, well, he does until he catches sight of red on the walls of the corner handicap stall.

"Oh my, _fuck_ , Niall what did you do?" Zayn says, truly panicked. He spins around, moving to the last stall, and he slaps his hands over his mouth to bury the scream threatening to rip his vocal cords out.

The stall is completely covered in blood, hand prints lining the wall, and a butchered body slumped against the toilet. It's the girl from the table, except now her chest has been ripped apart, there's a nasty bite mark to her neck, her dead eyes are open wide, and her little yellow sundress is soaked in her own blood.

Zayn looks over the scene with wide eyes, turning to look at Niall, who is drying his hands with a paper towel.

"Niall, what the _fuck_?" Zayn tries to keep his voice down, knowing there's a roomful of people just on the other side. "You can't fucking do this!" He scolds, bringing a hand up to his forehead, trying to relieve the pressure behind his eyes.

"What did you expect me to do, Zayn?" Niall asks. "I nearly got your neighbor when she went out t' check the mail-, i could hear her heartbeat even when i locked meself in the bathroom." 

Zayn bites at his bottom lip, thinking of sweet old Ms. Shirley, ripped to shreds in the stairwell. He tugs at his hair with both hands, wanting to cry out, or _something_.

"Niall," Zayn says seriously. "There is a _dead_   _body_ over there-, what do we do with it?" He asks. Niall eyes the mess, obviously not having thought this through. Zayn sighs, the stench of blood and flesh heavy in the closed space.

"We're gonna need help," Zayn says, looking over at Niall with a look of unease.

\--

"I've gotta be honest, Zayn." Louis says. "When you said that you needed help, i thought maybe you needed to borrow my expert fashion advice," Zayn rolls his eyes. "Or, maybe you needed me to decide what you wanted for dinner."

"Now, helping with disposing of a dead body that'cha zombie boyfriend ate," Louis raises his eyebrows at Zayn. "Didn't expect that."

Zayn stands up straight, back popping and there's already a layer of sweat clinging to his body. They've been locked in the bathroom for a little over twenty minutes, though Zayn is the only one _actually_ doing anything, moving the body so it's leaning against the wall by the overhead window. Zayn had given Niall the job of cleaning the stall, since he obviously has no problems with blood.

"Yeah, well." Zayn says, out of breath. "You gonna help me?" He asks. Louis gives Zayn a look, like he has to think about it, but then he barks out a laugh, "Of course i am."

Zayn has this soft smile on his face, when Louis comes over and they both start to haul her gangly limbs up to push them through the window, though they get about as far as raising her abover their shoulders, not quite at the window.

Zayn looks over at Louis, counts off _one, two, three_ , and they both use all of their strength to lift the body up and hike her over the window sill. Zayn claps hands with Louis, feeling an odd sense of accomplishment from that.

"Hey," Niall calls, kneeling on the floor while he scrubs at the blood splattered around him. "Might wanna go get that, since there _are_ people that walk the sidewalks, or, ya know, have eyes." Niall says with a look that says _what are you waiting for?_

Zayn and Louis share a glance, before they are fighting to get through the window as fast as possible.

There's a set of down stairs on the side of the building, the only entrance to the abandoned hospital. Zayn grabs hold of the upper part of the body, while Louis struggles with walking properly while he has a leg clutched in his hands on either side of him.  

The door is always unlocked, Zayn knows this for when he needs to duck out of the rain, taking shelter under the small awning abover the steps. They get through the door unseen, nearly dropping the body when Louis slips on the dusty floor. The place is just a mess of cobwebs and dust, giant hole blown through the second floor when some crazed person set a bomb off. Louis looks up, whistling a low pitch, and Zayn nods in agreement.

"Where we putting this?" Louis asks, sounding a little out of breath. Zayn looks around, as much as he can, and he spots a room that is labeled as a staff break room. "Over here," He says, and they haul the body over to the dark room. 

There's not much in there, a small round table, counter with small appliances and coffee essentials, mini fridge, and-

"Freezer," They both say at the same time, setting the body on the floor with relieved sighs. Zayn opens the freezer, moving around freezer burned meats and a frozen turkey, looking back to Louis, who looks conflicted of his feelings.

Zayn gets a grip under the arms, while Louis grabs the legs. "Always thought me and you would end up together during a Zombie Apocalypse." Louis says with a breathless laugh. They lift te body up and over, into the freezer, Zayn saying a silent apology for the poor girl. They close the lid tight, and Zayn fixes Louis with a hard look.

"No," He says, shaking his head. "No apocalypse, no more zombies-, this has to end now." He says, risking a glance at the freezer. Louis looks at Zayn skeptically, worry in his eyes.

"Z, you don't mean-," Louis starts slowly, and when Zayn drops his eyes to the ground, Louis exhales a large breath. "Shit," He says. Zayn keeps his eyes to the floor, hoepfully nobody traces their visible footsteps back to the body, but he's too exhausted to be arsed about that right now.

They're silent for a handful of minutes, air thick with dust and tension. 

"Who're you gonna get to do it?" Louis asks. Zayn shakes his head in defeat, sucking in a deep brreath and holding it until his lungs feel ready to pop.

"No," He breathes out. "I'm the one who brought him back," Zayn says, looking down at his blood stained hands. "I'm the one who has to put a fucking _bullet_ through his head."

\--

Niall's not in the bathroom when they get back, though the stall has been wiped clean, all evidence erased. Zayn turns to Louis with wide eyes, both of them just standing a little dumbfounded in the middle of the bathroom.

"Fuck, _Louis_ -, where the fuck could he have gone--," Zayn feels like the air has been punched out of his chest, turning to Louis with deterrmined eyes.

"I know where he is." He says, and they leave the coffee shop, Zayn making a silent vow to never step foot in there again. They takes Louis' car, because Zayn can't seem to sit still, legs bouncing at a fast beat. They make a quick stop at the flat, Zayn cracking into the safe he prayed would never be needed. Zayn slides back into the car without looking at Louis, and thankfully he doesn't say anything. Louis seems to realize where they are going once Zayn signals for him to turn right at the stoplight, and his shoulders slump accompanied by a small pout on his lips.

They have just turned onto their destined street, beige and tan houses packed close together, looking every bit as sophisticated as their owners. They used to come around here every weekend, pilling on the couch in the basement, sharing a twenty four pack of beer and watching shitty television. That was before the accident.

It's like a bit out of a crime show, the trail of blood lining the sidewalk, leading up to a hunched over Niall, red liquid staining his mouth, eyes crazed out, and scratch marks down the front his shirt that could only come from animal claws.

Louis looks over at Zayn, then down at the flannel balled up in Zayn's lap. He slows down once they get a few feet away frrom a staggering Niall, and once Louis pulls up to the curb, Zayn hops out of the car. 

"Niall," Zayn says slowly, carefully. Niall stops, turns around, and he just looks so _lost._  "Come on, let's get you cleaned up." Zayn coaxes, holding a hand out invitingly. Niall blinks his eyes, though it looks more like a twitch, pupils trying to center and refocus.

"Please Zayn," Niall begs. "I need to see him."

It's a bad idea, somebody could get hurt, physically and emotionally. But Zayn knows, not in the same sense, but he gets it at least a little. The suffocating feeling after having lost someone who you thought you would have right next to for the rest of your life.

Liam and Niall had been absolute best friends since Niall was ten days old, Liam just a few weeks older than him. Niall's mum had worked at the restaurant during the evenings, so Liam's mum would offer to babysit, and the two of them have been attatched to the hip ever since. Niall always said that he didn't see Liam as his brother, just said with a shrug that _he's Liam_ , and Zayn somehow understood.

Zayn and Liam hit it off from the start, after Niall made them hang out together sometime after their second date, and they found that they had a lot more in common with each other than Niall had led on. Niall never held back how ecstatic he was that they got on well. The five of them were jagged puzzle pieces, somehow fitting together perfectly. 

After the funeral, Liam completely shut down, shut the three of them out. He stopped answering their phone calls, keeping his phone turned off, and just kind of disappeared. Louis had said one night, when they were sharing a bottle of cheap wine between them, that Liam probably felt like he didn't have anybody to turn to, since Niall was always the one who he went to.

"Alright, yeah." Zayn decides. "Can we at least fix you up, so you don't look like you've just stepped out of _The Walking Dead_?" He reasons. Niall nods his head, following Zayn over to Louis' car, waiting as Zayn grabs the flannel and an old t shirt from the back of the trunk.

Once he's managed to remove most of the dried blood from around Niall's mouth and chin, and Niall has changed into the fresh flannel, he looks exceptionally better. Niall grabs Zayn's hand, as they walk the rest of the short distance to Liam's house, ducking behind Zayn when he knocks on the door.

Liam opens the door with surprised eyes, and Zayn truly realizes how much time has passed since he's last seen him. For one, his hair is shorter, though that's a go-to decision whe you're going through a crisis. Zayn had ended up with a top bun, sides shaved, while Louis and Harry seemed to have a silent competiton on who could grow their hair out the longest. Harry had won, when Louis finally stopped moping around, trying to get back to his old self.

"Zayn?" Liam says with a tremor in his voice. He's got a full on beard now, lining the curve of his jaw, and his arms are a lot bigger, most likely from hours upon hours spent at the gym.

"Liam, i need you to listen to me." Zayn says slowly, waiting until Liam gestures for him to go on to continue. "Something happened during that storm the other night."

Liam frowns, and then his face falls, eyes wide in worry. "Oh god, are Harry and Lou alright?" He asks frantically, but Zayn waves his hands dismissively, assuring him that everyone is fine.

"It's a long story, and hopefully i'll have time to tell you one day, but-," Zayn starts.

"Li," Niall peeks out from behind Zayn, moving into clear view. Liam seems to stop breathing for all of twenty seconds, strangled sound rattling in the back of his throat.

"Li, it's me." Niall says, reaching aa hand out between them. He flips his hand over, so his palm is facing up. There's a scar across palm, one he got years ago when he fell from the monkey bars, landing on a sharp piece of broken glass. Liam stares open mouthed at the scar, fingers twitching by his sides. Niall brings his hand back, standing a little straighter, and waiting for Liam to react.

"I don't believe this," Liam says. He steps onto the front porch, the screen door shutting behind him, and he reaches his hands out slowly, hovering on either side of Niall's face, wonder shown across his eyes.

Niall takes a brave step forward, and when Liam doesn't react, he wraps his arms around Liam's middle, resting his head against his chest.

"Li, i don't have much time, so we have to do this quick." Niall says, seeming to slump into the hug when Liam wraps his arms  around Niall's small frame.

They stay like that for a few loaded seconds, Niall pulling back with a deep inhale. Liam just looks confused and hesitant.

"I'm going t' talk, and then you are going to respond, and then i'm going to leave." Niall says. Liam nods his head with no real emotion, chest rising heavy on each inhale.

Niall breathes out a sigh, "I never got the chance to say goodbye to you," He says. Niall takes in a shaky inhale, voice thick and choked. "So this is me saying goodbye, and that i love you, and you need to stop shutting everybody out. They all care about you, Li. They need you just as much as you need them."

Liam brings a hand up to his mouth, a choked sob lipping past his lips as he nods, tears running down his cheeks. Zayn can feel his own eyes starting to water, and he rubs at his eye, trying to be discreet.

"I love you too," Liam says. "I never thought i would be able to say goodbye to you, and i'm sorry i haven't been around to visit you in a while, just couldn't bring myself to it."

Niall purses his lips in a pout, "Goodbye, Li." He says. Liam's eyebrows pull tight together, a ort of relieved look on his face.

Liam pulls Niall into a hug, resting his chin on his shoulder. "Goodbye, Ni."

\--

"You gonna be alright?" Louis asks in a low voice. Niall is waiting at the steps, respecting that Louis and Zayn needed a minute, and also needing a moment to himself. Zayn nods his head dejectedly, the gun heavy and solid in his lap.

With a long inhale, Zayn ducks out of the car, meeting Niall at the steps, but not meeting his eyes. Zayn leads them inside, Niall following at a more leisure pace, while Zayn's legs feel about ready to give out. Niall walks around the open lobby area, staring up through the missing ceiling and second floor.

Zayn leans against the wall, tipping his head back againt the cold surface and closes his eyes. Niall walkss over to the stairwell that leads to the upper floor, and he starts climbing the steps, one at a time, whistling some random tune that echoes across the empty building.

Zayn listens, imagines another life where the two of them are destined to be together forever, no fast moving vehicles to rip them apart, one where Niall would have stayed in bed that morning, instead of going out to get them some breakfast before Zayn woke up.

Niall makes it to the top of the stairs, whistle dropping in pitch once he gets a good look at the blown out floor, stopping at the edge of the hole.

Zayn's just at that place where he may not exactly like what is about to happen, but he knows that it's absolutely necessary. His body stills though, when a low grunt comes from the left of him, like _right_ _next_ _to him_. He slowly, and with stuttered breathing, looks over at the door a foot away from him. Niall's whistling has started again, Zayn recognizes the beat as the super mario theme.

It's like waiting for the trigger to be pulled, Zayn's heart is caught somewhere in his throat, just _waiting_.  

And really, Zayn's seen enough zombie movies to have seen this coming. It's like Zombie Killing 101, shot to the brain, make it worth it. The girl, teeth clacking together obnoxiously, blue tint to her otherwise pale skin, though that could be from being shut in a freezer, peeks her head through the doorway and Zayn holds his breath.

The zombie grunts, turning her head, and when it spots Zayn, it's already dead eyes turn even darker in want. Zayn swallows, discreetly reaching for his back pocket. He wraps is fingers around the handle of the gun, trying to time this accordingly.

The zombie chomps it's teeth at him, stumbling fully out of the break room, and stands in front of Zayn with this disturbing grin on her face. Zayn doesn't even know if he can consider this a girl anymore.

"I'm sorry my boyfriend turned you into a zombie," Zayn says sincerely, though the zombie looks anything but phazed by his apology. _The ungrateful dead_. He pulls the gun out of his back pocket, keeping it hidden behind his back.

"But, i'm not sorry for this." He says, whipping the gun around, aiming straight for the zombie's forehead. The zombie swings it's arms about, finger catching onto the skin of Zayn's arm, and it latches hold of him with a powerful grip. Zayn's hand shakes around the gun, the zombie jerking his arm around, and then Zayn feels a ball of fire errupt near his elbow, finger pulling back the trigger.

The gunshot rings out through the building, effectively cutting off Niall's rendition of the Spongebob theme song, the sound of a body hitting the floor, and Zayn stares at the spot where the zombie was a second ago with wide eyes.

"Why t' fuck are ya firin' guns an' shit?" Niall says loudly, looking down at Zayn from the top floor. "Oh, fuck." Niall says once he sees the body lying on the ground, then at Zayn who is just staring ahead, completely still.

Zayn looks down at his arm, throat closing around a yell. It burns like nothing he's ever felt before, and he clutches a hand to his elbow, the wound fresh and blood spilling onto the floor. It's not very big, but it's enough. He looks up at Niall, trying to communicate with him without having to say anything. 

Niall seems to get it, dropping his head with a sigh, and sitting down on the floor, legs dangling over the edge of the hole. Zayn starts to walk towards the stairs, when a vision hits him like a tidal wave. He starts up the steps, labored breathing as he clutches the railing, the sound of his shoes hitting the floor the only sound in the whole building.

"I lied to you on our first date," Zayn says as he steps off of the last step, looking at the back of Niall's head. "I said that i had never been in love before." 

Niall turns his head to the side, eyes looking at nothing in particular while he listens to Zayn's voice. 

"The truth is," Zayn says. "I've been in love with you since the first time i met you." He takes a step forward, gun clutched tightly in his hand, arm feeling as if it's been burned in acid.

"I never been good with words before," He stops about a foot away from Niall, eyes catching a spot of yellow from down below. "But i don't need a lot of them to express how i feel about you."

Niall turns his body, looking up at Zayn with this fire in his eyes, a reserved amazement. Zayn smiles down at Niall, and dops down to his knees, so they are facing each other about an arms length away.

"I love you," Zayn says. Niall echoes with his own, voice cracking on a sob. Zayn catches a falling tear with his thumb, smiling sadly at him.

"I don't have a ring," He admits with a frown. "But, will you do me the honor of spending the rest of eternity together, wherever this mess may lead us?" He asks hopefully, and Niall is nodding before he's even finished, tugging at the front of Zayn's shirt so he fall forward, Niall catching his lips with his own.

Niall breathes out a laugh when they pull apart, "Even as a zombie groom, you'd still be the most handsome person at the party." He says. Zayn kisses him again. He kisses Niall until he feels blunt fingernails digging into his arms, a warning.

Niall's eyes are nearly swallowed in black, jaw trembling. He keeps his hands clutched tight in Zayn's shirt, resting his head against his sternum.

"Always wondered if i'd be alive to see a Zombie Apocalypse," Niall says. "Never imagined i'd be the one to almost start one."

Zayn places a kiss to the top of his heaad, Niall's limbs practically vibrating in his arms. He can feel a sob tearing through his chest, ready to explode.

"I can't-," Niall grits his teeth, knuckles turning white from how hard he's balling Zayn's shirt between his fists. "Zayn, i can't-, you need to do it now." Niall says with a warning to his voice. Zayn places a lingering kiss to Niall's forehead, bringing the gun up so it's level with the side of Niall's head.

"I love you, and i'm so sorry." Zayn says. Niall picks his head up with an animalistic growl, pupils blown wide and jaw hanging open.

"Zayn!" Niall yells, and then he pulls the trigger.

The gunshot rings through Zayn's ears, Niall's body slumping against him, one last breath escaping past his lips. Zayn brings the back of his hand to his mouth, gun a solid pressure in his palm. He can't keep the sobs in anymore, each one burning his throat and heaves on a breath, feeling like he's gasping for air.

With a hand wrapped tightly around Niall's lifeless body, Zayn pulls his phone out of his pocket, and holds down the number two speed dial. As soon as the line connects, Zayn starts speaking with a heavy voice.

"I fucked up, Lou." He says. "I just couldn't let him go."

Zayn closes his eyes, the tears making his vision blurry. He can hear Louis' hard breathing on the other end, the quick sniffles he can't seem to hold back.

"Z, what happened?" Louis asks.

"I let this get too far out of reach," Zayn says. He hears the whine fall from Louis' lips, the painstaking recognition.

"Are you sure we can't fix this?" Louis asks in a small voice, like he already knows the answer.

"It's better this way," Zayn says. He cocks the gun, the click audible through the phone line and there's a muffled cry, like Louis' has a hand pressed against his mouth.

"So, there's no happy ending out of this after all?" Louis asks in a tear stained voice. Zayn sighs, "There aint no happy endings." He says, chancing a glance down at the body in his arms, heart clenching in sadness and anger and confusion. Why did this have to happen like this?

"Take care of yourself, yeah?" He says, and after a beat of Louis' harsh sobs, Zayn ends the call and tosses the phone through the hole. He presses the barrel of the gun to the underside of his chin, thinking about nothing but the boy in his arms.

He pulls the trigger.

\--

They bury them next to each other, underneath the large Cherry Blossom tree, and the remaining three boys gather around in their black suits, staring down at the graves with blank expressions. They haven't planned a funeral, not yet at least. 

Harry sniffles, walking up to the open graves, and he squats so that he can toss a rose on each of the makeshift caskets. They had used old plywood to make them, crosses spray painted black in the middle of each. Harry brings his fingers to his mouth, sending a kiss down to each of the boys, and then he stands up and brushes his pants off, walking away with his head bowed.

Liam looks down at Niall's casket, rose dangling by his fingertips. After a few silent moments, he nods and drops the roses on top of each box, bringing his hands up to his mouth and then down to the graves. Liam claps Louis on the shoulder as he walks passed, sad smile on his face.

Louis stands before the two graves, "Goodbye, Zayn." He says, tossing a rose on top of the caskets. He sighs, looking up at the dreary sky, and reaches for a shovel. He fills the graves up until they are covered, even during the rain that pours down on him, even as tears spill down his cheeks.

\--

There's a weight pulling on him, like when you go down a steep hill and your stomach drops, but it's like _Zayn_ has bottomed out. He blinks his eyes open a few times, but he can't see, not with the blindingly bright light in front of him. He brings his arm up to block the light, and then he sees the outline of an arm, held out for him.

Zayn takes the hand, and the person hauls him to his feet.

"Welcome home, Zayn." Niall says, soft smile on his face. Zayn looks around, but there's nothing, just Niall and that light ways ahead of them.

Niall tugs on his hand, and together they walk, hand in hand, towards the bright light.

\--


End file.
